I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
