If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
