this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I lost the right to judge tonight
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
