I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
