3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
