Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
23 People Confess The Trashiest Thing They’ve Seen In Person
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
19 Transgender People Reveal The First Sign That They Were Trans
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."