just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.