Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
