Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
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I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
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You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..