I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.