i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
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she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
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we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day