And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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