I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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