Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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