I like to think it a success when the cops are called
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
