Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I want her autograph on my taint
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
