Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
The struggles of a small town man whore
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
