a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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