cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
