If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
