I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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