I can tuck mytits in my pants
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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