Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Randomize
