boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
