I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
