how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
