i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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