OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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