I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I think a kid would responsible me up
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
