I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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