i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
