Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
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