i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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