I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
