That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
