sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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