Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
