At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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