idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I need to calm my uterus...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
