i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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