I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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