Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
