I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
