she woke up with a sticky ear
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Randomize
