you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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