that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
