I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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