the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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