you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
