somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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