Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just gift wrapped bread.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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