I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Randomize
