I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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