Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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