This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
