pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
