My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
