If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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