Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
