I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
