i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
