return my video game
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
