Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
