I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
