i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
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The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
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I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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