True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
