i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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