so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
