Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
