I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
