Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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