I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you didnt know i had herpes?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
