my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Randomize
