guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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