I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
