At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
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