Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
