Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
